This past week wasn't as busy as I feared (I didn't have to be on-call on consecutive nights!) - and I'm painting again (and I'll post pictures when it feels finished). I have this odd persistent cough that is aggravating; I keep thinking it's going away, but it doesn't. Next week will be busy again, but after that it should get better for a while.
I feel as though I should have some sort of profound thoughts this evening, but I don't. And if I did, I should probably write them down for tomorrow's worship service rather than posting them here.
I missed my entire first week of work - that is, post-orientation - due to illness. Not that I was particularly sick, just that I was contagious and really couldn't go visit hospital patients. I'm still coughing a bit, which is odd since that wasn't part of the problem last week, but I'm back on the floors seeing patients.
At the moment, I don't have anything particularly insightful to add, but I thought you might like to see this fox I drew over the weekend.
I may at some point find the Skinner study that talks about intermittent reward... but more of today has been spent thinking I might have internet, and then losing it, and then maybe connecting again... and so on... anyhow, the best parts of my day were those I spent intentionally off-line, walking, reading, drawing, and napping. I guess that would probably also have been true if I'd had more reliable internet. But I wouldn't have spent nearly so much of my day waiting, waiting, waiting...
I was on live television this afternoon, for a local cable news show. Which was kind of exciting. No, very exciting. Even if I didn't think anyone was watching.
(The interview was about the upcoming exhibit of my work, fyi - I've been posting bad pics of the different works to be exhibited, but I'm hoping to have some much better ones of the exhibition itself.)
So, last time I wrote, I was pondering whether or not I was Peter Pan. Yesterday a friend reminded me of the song I wrote back in seminary - Hey Blue Fairy - and the unrecorded bridge that addressed this directly.
For the sake of clarity I'm posting the video I made (years after the fact - I barely even try to lip-synch) - but also the lyrics, including the lyrics of the bridge (which as I've already said, isn't in the recorded version of the song but were written soon afterwards, so don't leave me snide comments about the omission).
I've traveled 'round the world, though I never really meant to
I fell in with some villains and I gladly went along
I learned a lot of lessons, though most of them the hard way
I did a lot of stupid things to show that I was strong
Chorus: I've been turned into a donkey
I've been swallowed by a whale
Put down these childish toys to make way for better things
I'm tired of other people always pullin' on my strings
Hey, Blue Fairy, when will you make me real?
They say my nose grows longer, but you know it really doesn't
Though I'm told I do blush deeply when I try to tell a lie
My conscious tries to stop me though I very seldom listen
In my heart I know that I'm not such a bad guy
Now I'm getting older and my paint it chipped and fading
My joints are getting rusty and I'm moving kinda slow
I'd really like to dance now but I'm feeling rather wooden,
I've come so far, but there just so far to go
But I've never lost my shadow
And I've never learned to fly
I'm no puer aeternus
I'm no Catcher in the Rye
I left home kind of early 'cause I thought that it was Boring,
Given what I've seen since, I can't say that I was wrong
Now I need some shelter and I really miss my father
I've lost my way, the road home seems much too long
Now I understand that, just because I wrote a song six years ago in which I declare myself Pinocchio and distance myself from Peter Pan doesn't mean that I'm not Peter Pan... but I do think it speaks to wanting to be settled somewhere, and I recorded the video at a time when I was about to leave a place I had hoped to settle (I actually hadn't quite put that together for myself until just now - why that song then?).
Or rather, last night, a friend was talking about her initial love of the story when she was a child, and then her disappointment when she later understood the implications of Peter refusing to leave Neverland.
And then I asked if she thought I was Peter, and I could tell by her reaction that she hadn't thought it before I said anything, and then it all clicked.