Endings, beginnings, and gaps

Sometimes I feel like King of the Odd Picture - but that's what happens sometimes when I want to take a photograph on a dismal day. Hopefully it also explains why I don't post more of my "real art" here - the cartoons are still cartoons, but you really need a good photograph to really see my cranes. At least today I used a real camera for the cartoon.

So: I'm once again in transition. It feels as though I've been in some sort of transition for about five years now, waiting for things to resolve. If I had to put a particular point on it, I'd have to say that the tease from a certain university in south-central Pennsylvania, in the middle of August, 2008, was the tipping point. And I've been in a kind of panic since then, even though that's waxed and waned over the years. I haven't had a permanent job since then, and nothing full-time except painting houses. (That's been pretty discouraging.) Things have gotten a lot better in the last year, for various reasons, but things never quite clicked into place. I thought they might - they seemed like they would - but they didn't. I'm okay with that, more okay than I would have thought. Now some of the things that have occupied my time are coming to an end - and ending are always bittersweet for me, even when I know I need to move on. Part of that has been feeling scattered, having my attention pulled in five different directions at once.

Some of my own reactions have surprised me. I mentioned to a friend recently that for the past four years, at the end of each semester, I've wondered if I was going to teach again. Since the summer of 2009, I've taught at five different colleges - which I wouldn't have anticipated - but also I find myself getting burned out, doing too much work for too little money (and every once in a while telling the students that, and then dealing with the fallout). I'm wrapping things up this semester, and although there are things I'll miss about teaching, I'm really ready for a break. And it's not just the teaching that's coming to an end; maybe I'll write more about that later.

I'm excited about what's coming, at least to the extent that I can anticipate what it will be like (and I think I have a pretty good idea at this point) - and a sense that things will be better in concrete ways. As a person who thinks in abstractions and vague terms like "happiness," it's nice to see the concrete once in a while: more money, shorter commute, more focus. I'm not going to worry about the long-term just yet: I need to make it through the next year, then see where things stand. But the next year should be pretty good.

The problem at the moment is getting from here to there: what do I do for the next three months? My current plan is robbing banks in the state directly to the south of where I live now (I'd tell ya which one, but I don't wanna tip off the fuzz). My backup plan is for my dad to win the lottery (he'll have to because I think it's pointless to play). As you might guess, I'm really hoping to come up with a better plan soon.